Being that China is filled with people, there are some uncanny similarities to home sweet American home, but in their foreign attire, they’re more striking, obvious and strange. Business tactics and manners that we take for granted back home stick out like a sore thumb in need of amputation. Social stigmas and gender expectations hang around like big white elephants. Social standards for politeness and personal presentation seem to do a little dance and plead for your approval. Everything that we could find similar about our national oddities looks gruesomely magnified in this new setting, and I find myself dissecting ourselves a little more carefully for it.
I was talking to Andy earlier about the lack of drive and imagination at the schools. I asked my classes to tell me what they would be if they could be anything in the world and I got blank stares. Even with in depth Chinese translation, the best I could drag from them was “factory worker” or “businessman”. I told them to dream a little. Don’t you ever wish you could fly or have magical powers? Just getting an answer more daring than secretary was like pulling teeth, so imagining they could be anything was neigh impossible.
Honestly, it kind of scared me. The people here, the country is crying out for normal. Their people were raped, their culture wiped clean twice, and now they’re just trying to mimic the normalcy of their neighbors. It reminds me of a trauma victim, one who would rather aspire to the stable and normal life of a house wife or family man rather than test the wheel of fate on larger endeavors.
Andy argued that most cultures are like this, and I suppose he’s right. The majority of people are factory workers, waiters, secretaries or salespeople, while a few stand out and push a society forward. Even in the great technological revolution and industrial age, there were really only a few people driving it forward. And they were admirable, courageous, innovative and daring, but in the grand scheme of things, there were only a handful of them, and a whole society to put their tech to daily use.
I guess it stuck me funny because these are kids. All kids day dream, hope and imagine. Why is this missing for them?
It’s stressed here not to be better than your fellow man. The average is the expected level of success and aspiration and wanting more than that is unnatural. There are the new people, the new generation and a few from the last who are pushing for travel, education and greatness, but as before, these are few. Every time I see one, I am oddly proud of them and impressed, wanting to congratulate them on their bravery. That’s how rare it is. Like any country, what is normal for the masses is what’s attempted by the individual, so it is very rare to see people straying from the path.
Center. This country is very big on ‘center’. 中 Zhong (middle/center) 中国Zhongguo (China) means the center country or middle kingdom and came from the belief that China really was the center of it all…the center of the world.
Coming from a county that was cut off from the world as long as it had been, it’s not surprising that they’re stay at home people. Part of the reason why having a boy is considered so much better than having a girl is that when a boy marries, he expands the family, bringing more under its name. Whereas, when a girl marries, she leaves the family, takes on another family name and leaves them with less than before. And leaving your family is dishonorable. Until she is married, a woman most often lives with her family, as they’re supposed to take care of their parents and are expected to do so neigh indefinitely. I’ve noticed that most married couples have grandpa and grandma living with them at their home, though I’ve only ever noticed one set of grandparents, and I do not know who’s they are: the husband’s or the wife’s. The grandparents take care of the children, just as their grandparents took care of them. This situation is common with both wealthy and poor families: they never leave each other.
Here someone running off to travel and explore the world is not romanticized, but rather it is looked down upon, because it means abandoning your family and your country. (Except for the few). I have a friend here, Thomas (sorry, I don’t know his Chinese name), who has brought his young son with him on many travels to Japan, Europe and Australia, showing him the world and that it is open to him. He teaches him English and motivates him to excel. I am proud of Thomas for wanting more for his son and showing him it’s okay to wander off the path; that seeking out new and interesting things is glorious.
Not too long ago, China changed dramatically. The people were told that to be rich is glorious, and to create their own businesses, but they did not tell them how. Before this, the Chinese people were told that it is respectable to stay in China, to stay with your family and to give to the communist party. This has not changed. They were told to be average, be equal, and give back.
Having is different. Now they are told to want a BMW and an expensive home, to wear expensive clothes and spend money. They are adapting, but it is an awkward transition. They are trying to fit their traditional values into this new system and some things just don’t match up.
Within this society of “center”, they’ve opened their doors to Western values and are trying to look good in the new attire, but fit in it uncomfortably. They adopt values, patterns, mannerisms and technique, but it is as foreign to them as eating chicken feet is to me. It’s bound to take a while to become natural.
They are changing quickly. In just 20 years, they’ve done what took us centuries. China is like a child, but is growing up fast and is very impressionable like most children. Their business and goals are susceptible to suggestion. The way things are done here is a mixture of traditional Chinese thought and what they’ve thrown together from what they’ve seen.
I guess they haven’t seen too much of the beauty of independent thought. I believe it’s coming, like a far away tide, ready to wash over the land, but for now, it feels empty without it. You can feel and taste the absence of it on a daily basis.
Innovation and imagination are two of the most important aspect of a people; without it, they would not progress, evolve or learn, and that is death. For now, it works for them. It is a country of business and exports, but once they’re done catching up with the rest of the world, they’ll need creativity to push them on.
This lack of passion and drive is found in America as well, but here, it is staring me down, and it runs cold shivers down my spine. “Don’t they know what they’re giving up?” I think. “Don’t they know what they’re missing?” It’s death to me, not having that, but at home I understand how that particular strain of apathy was born. Here it is foreign, unknown and therefore more appalling. It makes me sad to think that those children do not dream (but perhaps they do, but not in my sense of it), that mediocre is all one should hope to be. My people have sunk into that same pit hole, but I know their excuses and it seems normal. Thinking of it now, seems all the more pitiful. If you tell the people how to live, and then set the standard so low and the ceiling so dreadfully short, well, you’re not telling them how to live at all; you’re telling them how to spend the time before they die.
I think in its largest form, society and government works to hold down a people, pushing them into a workable machine, and communism centers on mediocre, grey and export. This country is a machine just like ours, and it’s working quite well to keep all the wheels and cogs in their most efficient place. Little do they know that the cogs in this machine could be great if only they were told how glorious it could be. If they were told it’s glorious to be daring, they really would rule the world, as a super power, as a leader and a pioneer, but for now, the children mimic, like a tot repeating back it’s first word, barely comprehending what they mean. Hopefully, seeing how quickly this country is moving, they will be able to see the value of thought and creativity once they get to that point. A society of apathetic people works fine for a machine, and gets the job done, but it does nothing for the human race. I think again of my own people and wonder why we think it is so great if what we most perpetuate is stagnancy and easily categorized successes. I think the world is ready for more, and I'd like to see it here and back home.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
The Unholy Matrimony
Everything is set…or is getting set. The cake is on its way, the people are filling in the house and yard, the piano plays beautiful music when the old Tango Project record is not circling under the record player’s pin. Walking up the stone steps are witches, a parade of Vampires, a Russian Guard, a merciless Pin Head and a lost little Red Riding hood walking by a group of Alice in Wonderland characters. Skeletons pour wine down their throats as Pirates harass the lovely Queen of hearts. All along the walls, cobwebs hang, catching in the hair of passersby, outside, large colorful spider webs line the porch, adorn the skeleton alter and overlook the stone theatre. In the yard, a young devil raises the dead in his ceremonial circle, beyond him, the bones of pirates lounge across the foggy green pond. It’s Halloween, and soon the wedding will begin.
Despite the barrage of near misses and “oops, we don’t have a…” and “shit, where’s the…”, we pulled it together in time.
I am upstairs, putting on my beautiful red wedding dress with a sheer orange/red/yellow veil. I’m waiting, I’m pacing, I’m rewriting my vows all while putting on my make up and pulling my hair into something presentable. Where’s Andy? My family comes upstairs to greet me and see me before the wedding. Yes, it’s great to see you, and thank you, yes I designed the dress myself, and Anna made it…but what’s going on? Where’s Andy?
There’s movement downstairs and I hear people running up and down the stairs. I throw open the door and catch Doc and Sam on the way down. “What’s going on? Are we starting soon?”
“Your grandfather stabbed Andy!” Sam screams. “Yeah right: Real funny guys. Just let me know when we’re going to get started. I want to get married already!”
Doc and Sam sneak downstairs and leave me waiting, pacing, smoking and rewriting my vows.
So where’s Andy?
For the wedding, Andy wore a leather vest that I made dyed black and decorated with Celtic knots over a button up shirt, above simple grey slacks complete with a silver dagger. It was the last part that made all the commotion.
My grandfather likes to tell stories, entertain and draw attention. Anyone who knows him or has met him knows this. We all love him for it, but this time it didn’t work out like he planned. While talking to Andy on the front stone steps, he dramatically relieved Andy of his dagger, dragging the blade across his tongue in a very Dracula sort of way (as I’m told), and moved to replace it back in its sheath….but its dark….and he…uh…misses and is aiming for the belt and not the sheath. Andy notices, but has little time to stop it. Before anyone can see what’s happening or stop it, grandpa sticks the dagger 5 inches into Andy’s leg (as you would if you were inserting a dagger into a sheath…it has to go all the way…echem…ouch). Grandpa hadn’t noticed what had happened, and as he was walking away, he smiled when
Andy yelled out “You fucking stabbed me!” Apparently he didn’t believe it either.
Luckily, we just happened to have a bonafide Nurse on hand who helped temporarily bandage his leg for the evening, but before she arrived, Andy’s brothers and groomsmen were frantically trying to stop the blood and save the pants. Someone told him he should go to the hospital. “Fuck all that! I’m not going to the Hospital! I’m getting married.”
Without me knowing anything about it, and while trying to keep all the “crazy crazy” from the rest of the guests, Andy got bandaged up and set out to walk down the aisle. I’ve seen the footage of him walking down the aisle. He didn’t even limp. I know it’s no one’s hope for their husband-to-be to get stabbed before the wedding, but I have a strange pride and respect for him walking down the aisle with such poise and strength despite it all.
I didn’t notice he was hurt. He was out of sorts, and on the wrong side of the alter, but I just thought that he must be in as much of a fog as I was.
I didn’t notice anything was wrong until we were back in the house after the ceremony, when he staggered slightly, at which point I immediately asked “What’s wrong?” I didn’t get the full scoop until later, but I was less than pleased.
Needless to say, there was no retaliation of any sorts, in fact, here’s a picture where Andy is explaining to grandpa what had actually happened on the stairs…and they don’t look like they’re going to be at each other’s throats anytime soon. The general agreement was that it’d make on hell of a story…which it has.
Despite the stabbing, it was a fantastic evening. There were toasts we’ll never forget, music that probably woke up all of Laurel Canyon and booze and food a flowin’.
After the ceremony, I was in a fog, everything a blur, and with the added trouble of everyone being in costume, I couldn’t keep up with who was walking up to me. I just wanted to find Andy, sit down and try to gather myself...and have a cigarette. Through all the people I ran into and the stories to tell and the fog to walk through, I got to the food just in time to see it being cleaned up, but we lived the night out long, lounging outside until the wee hours, and reviving the depleting alcohol with trips to the store more than a few times.
I have a difficult time describing our wedding. I was vibrating with energy and at the same time, lacking the ability to walk, talk or discern what the hell was going on. I was….there isn’t a word for the feeling I had when we exchanged vows. I couldn’t stop smiling, and when we were pronounced husband and wife, I didn’t want to stop kissing Andy. I felt like we had just come out of a great battle and were now reaping the celebration, tossing the booze and laughing it up. Like any other great victory, you celebrate with food, booze, laughter, music and yes…sex. With or without the battle wound, Andy and I had no intention of ending the night without consummating our marriage. …echem…
It was unconventional (so much so that I even had a relative refuse to come due to the temptation of the devil), it was an adventure, it was perilous, but when you look at it, it was like any other wedding: there were vows, there were speeches, there was food, drink, music, celebration and love….it was just done a touch differently.
Being that I was in such a fog, people keep telling me parts of the wedding that I missed. Don’t stop now. I want to know everything that happened.
Once we can get something to convert the VHS, we’ll put together a little video of the wedding too.
PICTURES OF THE WEDDING HERE
Despite the barrage of near misses and “oops, we don’t have a…” and “shit, where’s the…”, we pulled it together in time.
I am upstairs, putting on my beautiful red wedding dress with a sheer orange/red/yellow veil. I’m waiting, I’m pacing, I’m rewriting my vows all while putting on my make up and pulling my hair into something presentable. Where’s Andy? My family comes upstairs to greet me and see me before the wedding. Yes, it’s great to see you, and thank you, yes I designed the dress myself, and Anna made it…but what’s going on? Where’s Andy?
There’s movement downstairs and I hear people running up and down the stairs. I throw open the door and catch Doc and Sam on the way down. “What’s going on? Are we starting soon?”
“Your grandfather stabbed Andy!” Sam screams. “Yeah right: Real funny guys. Just let me know when we’re going to get started. I want to get married already!”
Doc and Sam sneak downstairs and leave me waiting, pacing, smoking and rewriting my vows.
So where’s Andy?
For the wedding, Andy wore a leather vest that I made dyed black and decorated with Celtic knots over a button up shirt, above simple grey slacks complete with a silver dagger. It was the last part that made all the commotion.
My grandfather likes to tell stories, entertain and draw attention. Anyone who knows him or has met him knows this. We all love him for it, but this time it didn’t work out like he planned. While talking to Andy on the front stone steps, he dramatically relieved Andy of his dagger, dragging the blade across his tongue in a very Dracula sort of way (as I’m told), and moved to replace it back in its sheath….but its dark….and he…uh…misses and is aiming for the belt and not the sheath. Andy notices, but has little time to stop it. Before anyone can see what’s happening or stop it, grandpa sticks the dagger 5 inches into Andy’s leg (as you would if you were inserting a dagger into a sheath…it has to go all the way…echem…ouch). Grandpa hadn’t noticed what had happened, and as he was walking away, he smiled when
Andy yelled out “You fucking stabbed me!” Apparently he didn’t believe it either.
Luckily, we just happened to have a bonafide Nurse on hand who helped temporarily bandage his leg for the evening, but before she arrived, Andy’s brothers and groomsmen were frantically trying to stop the blood and save the pants. Someone told him he should go to the hospital. “Fuck all that! I’m not going to the Hospital! I’m getting married.”
Without me knowing anything about it, and while trying to keep all the “crazy crazy” from the rest of the guests, Andy got bandaged up and set out to walk down the aisle. I’ve seen the footage of him walking down the aisle. He didn’t even limp. I know it’s no one’s hope for their husband-to-be to get stabbed before the wedding, but I have a strange pride and respect for him walking down the aisle with such poise and strength despite it all.
I didn’t notice he was hurt. He was out of sorts, and on the wrong side of the alter, but I just thought that he must be in as much of a fog as I was.
I didn’t notice anything was wrong until we were back in the house after the ceremony, when he staggered slightly, at which point I immediately asked “What’s wrong?” I didn’t get the full scoop until later, but I was less than pleased.
Needless to say, there was no retaliation of any sorts, in fact, here’s a picture where Andy is explaining to grandpa what had actually happened on the stairs…and they don’t look like they’re going to be at each other’s throats anytime soon. The general agreement was that it’d make on hell of a story…which it has.
Despite the stabbing, it was a fantastic evening. There were toasts we’ll never forget, music that probably woke up all of Laurel Canyon and booze and food a flowin’.
After the ceremony, I was in a fog, everything a blur, and with the added trouble of everyone being in costume, I couldn’t keep up with who was walking up to me. I just wanted to find Andy, sit down and try to gather myself...and have a cigarette. Through all the people I ran into and the stories to tell and the fog to walk through, I got to the food just in time to see it being cleaned up, but we lived the night out long, lounging outside until the wee hours, and reviving the depleting alcohol with trips to the store more than a few times.
I have a difficult time describing our wedding. I was vibrating with energy and at the same time, lacking the ability to walk, talk or discern what the hell was going on. I was….there isn’t a word for the feeling I had when we exchanged vows. I couldn’t stop smiling, and when we were pronounced husband and wife, I didn’t want to stop kissing Andy. I felt like we had just come out of a great battle and were now reaping the celebration, tossing the booze and laughing it up. Like any other great victory, you celebrate with food, booze, laughter, music and yes…sex. With or without the battle wound, Andy and I had no intention of ending the night without consummating our marriage. …echem…
It was unconventional (so much so that I even had a relative refuse to come due to the temptation of the devil), it was an adventure, it was perilous, but when you look at it, it was like any other wedding: there were vows, there were speeches, there was food, drink, music, celebration and love….it was just done a touch differently.
Being that I was in such a fog, people keep telling me parts of the wedding that I missed. Don’t stop now. I want to know everything that happened.
Once we can get something to convert the VHS, we’ll put together a little video of the wedding too.
PICTURES OF THE WEDDING HERE
Saturday, October 28, 2006
The People Who Made it Happen
October 29th, 2005, Laurel Canyon boulevard, Hollywood, California
For the month before the wedding, Andy, myself, my mother, our friend Dave, the wonderful Anna, Spencer, Nick, Julio, Mariah, David, Annie, Mike Dawson, “Cat and Mouse” Westmorland the fantastic couple who lent us so many of the Halloween decorations and Ben were all working to put together the makings of a Halloween wedding at Patrick’s beautiful house in the hills.
This was quite a feat, as we had very little money to work with and little time to do everything in, but what we did have was some wonderful friends and family who helped to make the wedding happen. Before I go into the actual wedding, I want to thank you all for your help.
Mom (Calista):
Thank you for your dedication and problem solving brain. No matter what the problem was, you helped to find the answer, and if you didn’t have the answer, you found someone who did. You’re one on-the-ball chick, and I don’t think we could have had the wedding without you. (And thank you for the beautiful turquoise ring…I’d wear it more often, but it falls off my finger. I’ll have to get it resized soon). You're a fantastic mother, and we'll never forget how you pulled through for us. We love you.
Dad (Thomas Adam Boffi):
Thank you for walking me down the aisle. It wouldn't have been the same without you. I love you.
Anna:
thank you so much for making my wedding dress come to life and for all the wonderful food you cooked for our guests (I hear it was delicious, though Andy and I never actually had the chance to taste any of it). Anna worked her ass off for the wedding, so much so, that our reverend, Doc, has saintified her through the Universal Life Church (he became a reverend online). Anna, you truly are a Saint. Thank you.
Patrick:
I’ve always loved your beautiful home, and wish to have one like yours someday. Thank you for allowing us to plan and hold our wedding in your home. The stone theatre in the hill was perfect.
Kay Morris (Momasita Morris):
Kay put together an awesome Rehearsal dinner in Hollywood...that even came with some of our favorite actors from Buffy and Angel...as most of us there were all huge Joss Wheedon fans. Thank you. It was great to have an evening where we could relax between the crazy crazy.
Dave, Nick, Julio, and Ben:
Thank you for helping put up the decorations and spider webs for the wedding, and for being as good of friends as you are. (and for going on beer runs and pizza runs during it all).
Mariah (my sister):
Thank you for the beautiful and very Halloween wedding cake and the clever little chocolate caskets for Andy, myself and the groomsmen and brides men.
“Cat and Mouse” Westmorland:
You two are some of the most generous, kind and wonderful people we’ve yet to meet. Without a complaint, you let us borrow your fantastic Halloween decorations and were always eager to help and give. Without you, it’d be half the Halloween celebration that it was. Meeting you was wonderful. I’d love to see you both again. Thank you.
David and Annie:
You two managed to get everyone up to the wedding in the precarious streets of Laurel Canyon, by organizing and paying for the parking for all of our guests. Thank you.
Mike Dawson:
Another giving wonderful man, you allowed us to use your stunning Halloween decorations from your own personal collection. So sorry for the casualty of war.
The Bands:
Thank you to Christaain Morris, Christy, Sage and Pat, for performing their first official show as Knives in the Attic (formerly Last Great Liar) at our humble Halloween wedding. You were great, and the costumes were awesome.
Also thanks to Calista, Scott, Tyler, Brent, Ofir, and Julian for the wonderful jazzy music.
Finally, thank you to everyone who came, and for the presents you brought, and if I’m forgetting anyone, you are thanked, I’m just forgetful.
Okay, now on to the wedding!
Note, all the pictures we have of the wedding, you can see Here
For the month before the wedding, Andy, myself, my mother, our friend Dave, the wonderful Anna, Spencer, Nick, Julio, Mariah, David, Annie, Mike Dawson, “Cat and Mouse” Westmorland the fantastic couple who lent us so many of the Halloween decorations and Ben were all working to put together the makings of a Halloween wedding at Patrick’s beautiful house in the hills.
This was quite a feat, as we had very little money to work with and little time to do everything in, but what we did have was some wonderful friends and family who helped to make the wedding happen. Before I go into the actual wedding, I want to thank you all for your help.
Mom (Calista):
Thank you for your dedication and problem solving brain. No matter what the problem was, you helped to find the answer, and if you didn’t have the answer, you found someone who did. You’re one on-the-ball chick, and I don’t think we could have had the wedding without you. (And thank you for the beautiful turquoise ring…I’d wear it more often, but it falls off my finger. I’ll have to get it resized soon). You're a fantastic mother, and we'll never forget how you pulled through for us. We love you.
Dad (Thomas Adam Boffi):
Thank you for walking me down the aisle. It wouldn't have been the same without you. I love you.
Anna:thank you so much for making my wedding dress come to life and for all the wonderful food you cooked for our guests (I hear it was delicious, though Andy and I never actually had the chance to taste any of it). Anna worked her ass off for the wedding, so much so, that our reverend, Doc, has saintified her through the Universal Life Church (he became a reverend online). Anna, you truly are a Saint. Thank you.
Patrick:
I’ve always loved your beautiful home, and wish to have one like yours someday. Thank you for allowing us to plan and hold our wedding in your home. The stone theatre in the hill was perfect.
Kay Morris (Momasita Morris):
Kay put together an awesome Rehearsal dinner in Hollywood...that even came with some of our favorite actors from Buffy and Angel...as most of us there were all huge Joss Wheedon fans. Thank you. It was great to have an evening where we could relax between the crazy crazy.
Dave, Nick, Julio, and Ben:
Thank you for helping put up the decorations and spider webs for the wedding, and for being as good of friends as you are. (and for going on beer runs and pizza runs during it all).
Mariah (my sister):
Thank you for the beautiful and very Halloween wedding cake and the clever little chocolate caskets for Andy, myself and the groomsmen and brides men.
“Cat and Mouse” Westmorland:
You two are some of the most generous, kind and wonderful people we’ve yet to meet. Without a complaint, you let us borrow your fantastic Halloween decorations and were always eager to help and give. Without you, it’d be half the Halloween celebration that it was. Meeting you was wonderful. I’d love to see you both again. Thank you.
David and Annie:
You two managed to get everyone up to the wedding in the precarious streets of Laurel Canyon, by organizing and paying for the parking for all of our guests. Thank you.
Mike Dawson:
Another giving wonderful man, you allowed us to use your stunning Halloween decorations from your own personal collection. So sorry for the casualty of war.
The Bands:
Thank you to Christaain Morris, Christy, Sage and Pat, for performing their first official show as Knives in the Attic (formerly Last Great Liar) at our humble Halloween wedding. You were great, and the costumes were awesome.
Also thanks to Calista, Scott, Tyler, Brent, Ofir, and Julian for the wonderful jazzy music.
Finally, thank you to everyone who came, and for the presents you brought, and if I’m forgetting anyone, you are thanked, I’m just forgetful.
Okay, now on to the wedding!
Note, all the pictures we have of the wedding, you can see Here
Let's Start At The Beginning
Today, here in China at least, is our one year anniversary and it’s occurred to me that we've done a piss poor job of updating the life and times of our matrimonial adventures. So, here it is; The Adventures of Sienna and Andy, or the Tao of Sienna and Andy, or TOA-SA, as you see it above. Yes, we're mighty clever, we are.
One year in China is a lot to cover, so we won’t hit you all at once with a long manuscript or anything. We don't want to overwhelm you, and yes, we realize some of our tales are shocking and not for the light hearted. Instead, we'll keep posting about stories of our life here from over the past year and onward.
First thing's first. Today is our wedding anniversary. We should probably talk about the wedding. Hmmm....where to start?
Andy and I are not the conventional type. In fact, there's much about the whole marriage thing that disagrees with us, like the involvement of the law, the paper work and the stigmas related to marriage. Before Andy proposed to me on...2004, we had talked many a times about the failings and pit falls of marriage. We thought that most people jump into their marriages too quickly without really knowing each other, doing so out of a social obligation to settle down and measure up. People are expected to find a spouse, and expected to do so in a timely manner. We don't agree with this. History has proven (especially in the United States) that these impromptu engagements most often prove fatal to the relationship. News Break: In America, married couples are now a MINORITY, probably due to all those pesky divorces going round.
So, yeah, we didn't agree with marriage, and we didn't intend on tying the knot ourselves. In fact, I told Andy that if he ever asked me to marry him, I'd tell him "no" and sit him down and explain why. Yeah....that didn't exactly stick.
There was one thing that changed my mind on marriage.
I've found my mate.
Mate. I should explain that real quick. In the animal kingdom, you get one mate. A lion will find a lioness and stick with her. She is his mate, and there's no sly hanky panky going on with the other lionesses in town. This isn't true with all animals, of course, as there's the swinging cats and dogs and the infamous dolphins who actually have sex for pleasure and not just mating (and in one case outside of their own species...).
The point is, Andy is my mate, and in the marrow of my bones and the separate little atoms of my body, I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. That's something to celebrate! There are few people in this world that I like. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Most of my generation eludes me and from the tides of people I've met otherwise, few of them vibe with me. On an intimate level, there are even fewer. Andy and I share the impulse to set out on risky adventures, to test our limits and test ourselves. He's always pushed me past pitfalls, past insecurities and fears, and I think I'm a better person because of it. And as a couple, he's my equal, pushing for truth, strength and pleasure...can't get any better than that.
I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I've found my mate. I wanted to tell my friends and family what happiness I had found, and what better way than a Halloween wedding?
Honestly, though, when Andy asked me to marry him, none of that was going through my head. The only thing I was thinking was. "I love you" and "Yes...Yes...Yes". It really was one of those cheesy romance movie moments for me. He didn't get on one knee or anything, but when he asked me to marry him, I remember the world falling away. We were in a crowded area, with people laughing and screaming, talking and drinking, but when he asked me, it all went quiet, and they became a background blur. All around us was this colorful fog, suddenly my body felt lighter than air, and all the noise around us melted together into a single humming beat. (Warned you) I was thinking "I'm going to say yes, but first I'm going to sit him down and tell him no like I said I would...and then I'll say yes". But I couldn't do that, and I couldn't stop smiling. I ended up just saying yes...yes...yes...I love you.
We were at the Kill Bill 2 Premier party when he asked me. I had been crying and very unhappy on the way from the theatre, thinking about how little I knew these family members I was standing in photos with. Thinking how uncomfortable I felt and how I just wanted to leave. All that fell away too when he proposed. Nothing else mattered. Not in that fatalist love kind of way...no...Everything was better, these problems and fears where lessened, far away and inconsequential. Simply put, I was happier, and still am. Andy makes my life beautiful, and those pesky stresses just can't outshine it.
So I had to say yes, saying no would have been unnatural, because all of me wanted to say yes.
Will you marry me? Yes...yes...yes...I love you.
Okay, that was more about the proposal, but we couldn't leave it out...
Next up: the Halloween wedding...with gory pictures and all!
One year in China is a lot to cover, so we won’t hit you all at once with a long manuscript or anything. We don't want to overwhelm you, and yes, we realize some of our tales are shocking and not for the light hearted. Instead, we'll keep posting about stories of our life here from over the past year and onward.
First thing's first. Today is our wedding anniversary. We should probably talk about the wedding. Hmmm....where to start?
Andy and I are not the conventional type. In fact, there's much about the whole marriage thing that disagrees with us, like the involvement of the law, the paper work and the stigmas related to marriage. Before Andy proposed to me on...2004, we had talked many a times about the failings and pit falls of marriage. We thought that most people jump into their marriages too quickly without really knowing each other, doing so out of a social obligation to settle down and measure up. People are expected to find a spouse, and expected to do so in a timely manner. We don't agree with this. History has proven (especially in the United States) that these impromptu engagements most often prove fatal to the relationship. News Break: In America, married couples are now a MINORITY, probably due to all those pesky divorces going round.
So, yeah, we didn't agree with marriage, and we didn't intend on tying the knot ourselves. In fact, I told Andy that if he ever asked me to marry him, I'd tell him "no" and sit him down and explain why. Yeah....that didn't exactly stick.
There was one thing that changed my mind on marriage.
I've found my mate.
Mate. I should explain that real quick. In the animal kingdom, you get one mate. A lion will find a lioness and stick with her. She is his mate, and there's no sly hanky panky going on with the other lionesses in town. This isn't true with all animals, of course, as there's the swinging cats and dogs and the infamous dolphins who actually have sex for pleasure and not just mating (and in one case outside of their own species...).
The point is, Andy is my mate, and in the marrow of my bones and the separate little atoms of my body, I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. That's something to celebrate! There are few people in this world that I like. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Most of my generation eludes me and from the tides of people I've met otherwise, few of them vibe with me. On an intimate level, there are even fewer. Andy and I share the impulse to set out on risky adventures, to test our limits and test ourselves. He's always pushed me past pitfalls, past insecurities and fears, and I think I'm a better person because of it. And as a couple, he's my equal, pushing for truth, strength and pleasure...can't get any better than that.
I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I've found my mate. I wanted to tell my friends and family what happiness I had found, and what better way than a Halloween wedding?
Honestly, though, when Andy asked me to marry him, none of that was going through my head. The only thing I was thinking was. "I love you" and "Yes...Yes...Yes". It really was one of those cheesy romance movie moments for me. He didn't get on one knee or anything, but when he asked me to marry him, I remember the world falling away. We were in a crowded area, with people laughing and screaming, talking and drinking, but when he asked me, it all went quiet, and they became a background blur. All around us was this colorful fog, suddenly my body felt lighter than air, and all the noise around us melted together into a single humming beat. (Warned you) I was thinking "I'm going to say yes, but first I'm going to sit him down and tell him no like I said I would...and then I'll say yes". But I couldn't do that, and I couldn't stop smiling. I ended up just saying yes...yes...yes...I love you.
We were at the Kill Bill 2 Premier party when he asked me. I had been crying and very unhappy on the way from the theatre, thinking about how little I knew these family members I was standing in photos with. Thinking how uncomfortable I felt and how I just wanted to leave. All that fell away too when he proposed. Nothing else mattered. Not in that fatalist love kind of way...no...Everything was better, these problems and fears where lessened, far away and inconsequential. Simply put, I was happier, and still am. Andy makes my life beautiful, and those pesky stresses just can't outshine it.
So I had to say yes, saying no would have been unnatural, because all of me wanted to say yes.
Will you marry me? Yes...yes...yes...I love you.
Okay, that was more about the proposal, but we couldn't leave it out...
Next up: the Halloween wedding...with gory pictures and all!
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