I soon expected to see Sheep heads piled next to fresh meat at the outdoor markets but was still amazed every time I went into the major grocery chains and saw an alligator sitting next to the fish selection, cut into three or four large pieces, it's head very much intact. I even started trying to remember to bring a camera when shopping for groceries, but I invariably forgot. To this day, all I have pictures of are three lightly skinned Lamb head s with their eyes staring fixedly at me. Why is it that whenever I first catch sight of their heads, they're always positioned to be staring at me?
Food preparation and display remains one of the starkest differences here from back home. In America you can buy meat and walk away with the mystery of which animal you're holding: it's all nicely plastic wrapped and bleach white, or the color of your choice. In China, education is still low, and the last generation in the south are still having trouble understanding their own language. Fish head and Chicken feet are a common staple in the Chinese diet, but I've never seen anyone walk away with a sheep's head for dinner, so I've come to the conclusion that the head is there as a sign for the illiterate
"This is Lamb".
After two years of living here I've become quite accustomed to these oddities and am not squemish to see what is now the norm, but the other day Andy and I were stopped dead in our tracks.
We often feel lonely out here, with no one to talk to about ideas, politics, theology, theory, the world and even common understandings of electricity or government. It's worse too that the wide majority of people we meet lack a certain creativity so that conversations invariably fall short whenever broached with anything intangible or not easily known. I do not in any way feel superior; but I do feel alone out here and sometimes a bit frightened.
At the schools I taught at, I had to have two weeks focus on imagination just to get the kids to tell me what they wanted to be, and this was to Children. These kids couldn't make up dreams about flying, super powers or greatness beyond being businessmen and women. I used all the Chinese translations I could find: this wasn't a language barrior problem, it was the concept.
There are also major differences in skill, education and naivety, and I'm not talking about the kids anymore. Sometimes I can't help but see large portions of this country as very young children, who will fight information for fear of showing that they do not already know.
I only bring this up to help explain the expression that was associated with the thing that stopped Andy and I in our tracks.
I should also mention that animal care is not considered here. The other week I helped a stray cat find a home which is a story in itself, but while doing it I had to go through the run down with a grown women on why cats don't dig it when you pick them up by wrapping your hand around their neck (like strangling) and hold them up like a harvest chicken. In the end, she was very happy to see the cat's response with rubbing up against her, purring and being...well...cat like. She named him XiaoHei (small black) and carried him home with her with him cozy on her chest. I do think the cat has a better life now, but this women was not a rarity: people don't know how to handle animals here. Very very few people have pets and those that do usually treat them very much like that woman did, holding dogs up by their ears as way of affection, neglecting them and ignoring or hurting them. There is not much value on these animals and I feel that they don't believe that they feel pain, fear or love. If they do, then it makes the following scene even worse.
When walking up the first few steps of the market to go up to the vegetable and pork section, we looked down at a women on the fish floor who was entertaining a young boy of about nine. On the counter was a very large fish head that was still seemingly gasping for breath, little water bubbles trickling down the sides of it's huge bloody head. Behind the wooden table, the vender held up a large piece of that same fish and slowly slipped it into the mouth of the fish head who kept opening and closing it's mouth. She slowly slid it down until it touched bottom, smiled and quietly and excitedly said something to the boy. The boy watched fixidly, mouth open, eyes wide and slack. The woman had the same expression on her face, dull and amazed. The woman slowly pulled the fish's own meat back out and slid it back in again. They looked like zombies, dumb childlike things caught in rapture and awe at a new and amusing toy. If you set up a camera in front of her and darkened the background, this would be a scene for a horror movie where someone is trying to traumatize a small child or hostage.
I didn't have a camera with me, so I did a little watercolor of the image that won't quit.
It was their expression that made it so eerie. They did not react to anyone around them, they were in their own little world, fascinated by the giant fish head eating itself as it convulsed into what looked like hungry little bites.
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