Rare Moments

Rare moments in China that I shouldn't forget:

A driver admitting to not liking China's leader and loathing President Bush in a long conversation in the truck after a day of shooting. In the beginning of the conversation, he touted Bush as the cats ass, but after I let him know what I thought, he let it go and he went on a rant about why he hated Bush and didn't like his own leader. This was the first time a Chinese person both A: told me that most Chinese people DON'T like our current President, and B: the first of a very few times a Chinese person has complained about their leader and spoken openly beyond the usual "China is great, and America is Number 1" (which is usually what you hear).

A Chinese woman who smoked who was not a hooker.

A Chinese man who worked at the local market selling vegetables for 5 mao who spoke to me in Spanish.

Doc taking away the dollar that an annoying and persistent beggar was shoving in his face to push him to give him money. He proceeded to stalk the restaurant we went to for the next hour and a half in search of his lost dollar.

Seeing a local beggar at the bank, depositing a huge stack of money.

Overhearing a salesperson go off on how these stupid foreigners couldn't understand Chinese, then taking up an in depth conversation in Mandarin to the person in line next to me.

Talking to anyone about history that is at all in the realm of historic accuracy.

Seeing Doc giggle like a little school girl after a bottle of Champagne.

Finding a real steak that tasted like actual steak.

Ordering a steak and getting a squishy ball of sinewy gelatinous mystery meat that refused to be cut and then paying 60 bucks for it.

Talking to a Chinese man named Sailing about the philosophy of personal freedom and the importance of the self. He explained how important it was for China to start considering the path of the individual and not just the path of the country.

Rigging stage lights to explode upon next usage after getting screwed.

Twisting a girls arm for trying to take off your clothes while singing on stage.

Waiting backstage with a dozen kung fu boys, a dozen 9 year old female contortionists, the face change master lady and two singing midgets in leopard print.

Seeing a 4 year old boy walking with his mother while wearing jeans that say "Sex Baby" on his bum.

Watching a woman holding her son over a mall ashtray to urinate while waiting for the elevator (and seeing that everyone else that was waiting were fine with this and thought it a good idea).

Seeing an adult goat tied to a tree in the middle of the city...with no likely owner in sight.

Getting a month long, pain-killer-free root canal in an open cubicle while random people watch you and talk to the dentist at a hospital with an xray that is exposed to the waiting room.

Going to a "female doctor" and having four other people and a kid waiting in the room to go next. (I asked them to leave).

Going to the dentist and having the nurses argue with the dentist to pull the tooth rather than put in a filling. The reasoning was that getting a filling could just mean getting another one later, and why bother with the hassle?

Going to the police department to turn in "bad meat" with tumor things on it that was served to Doc's girlfriend at a restaurant just to get told over and over again to go somewhere else. The building looked more like an abandoned school. There was also a door to a restricted access area with a keypad and card slot that was left ajar (apparently they didn't want to waist the time with all that pesky security).

Being invited into a private karaoke room at 6:30 in the morning to find that the room is occupied by four passed out drunk Chinese people sleeping in their own vomit and then being offered a beer.

Hearing Susan Vega being played on the radio in a taxi cab.

Being choked by sparkler smoke when the stage you're singing on suddenly erupts with 5, 6 foot high sparkler flames with no warning, and then trying to sing.

Having your drummer's hair nearly caught on fire when that stage suddenly erupts with 2, 3 foot high flames without warning and having him hardly miss a beat.

Having the stage nearly catch on fire when a spinning sparkler stops spinning shooting jets of flame directly onto the stage backdrop, and Sienna not noticing it. (once again, without warning of spinning, stationary or flames of any kind being involved in the show!!)

Mcguivering our own air conditioning system for a three story house. When buying the parts for it, having the salespeople think that jerry rigging an outdoor duct system, going from floor to floor is a perfectly normal and acceptable way to cool a house.

Having an "expert electrician" coming in to rewire the electric in the house, and ending up not being able to touch any electrical appliance without being shocked (unless you're wearing shoes) because he expertly forget to ground the building.

Watching China's first moon launch on live television and witnessing the uncovering of the rocket with huge letters reading "The long March" on it's side. It had been officially named Chang'e, named after a fairy who flew to the moon, while "The Long March" is referring to a military catastrophe spearheaded by Mao that resulted in the death of 40,000 of his own troops just to avoid meeting a superior. Mao, The untold story
(I was going to put a link to a youtube video of the launch, but being in China, I can only see 2 seconds of each video before it abruptly stops...funny, I can view videos of the marketing videos with the CGI launch... So you'll have to see for yourself)
*note: after looking it up, it turns out that the series of rockets they chose from are the Long March Series, this one being the Long March 3A; apparently they decided one massive rocket with the slogan wasn't enough.).

Seeing a brown coarse fur-lined cock ring at the rare sex shops. I believe the actual ring was made of some sort of animal skin or fat.

Being raised off my feet in line at the Guangzhou fair. The room was packed full and we were all pushed together, so much so that I was indeed hovering off the ground, being held up by the shoulders of people on either side of me. Amidst the chaos, a Chinese man was standing on a table yelling at people to cue up! Cue up? In China? What are you, nuts?

Buying a ball of fur on a bridge overpass for 150 yuan and calling her Chewbacca.

Being given a screaming cat by the Jehovah witness family that owned the convenient store next to our apartment and calling him Cruz.

Teaching my "personal driver" how to properly display road rage with a correctly held birdy and a loud "Fuck you!" which he pronounced "Foocka Youa!"